A short history of Conrad Birdie

or, a case for "the worst musical by names you know"

Charles Strouse wrote a lot of Broadway musicals, but his legacy is really just Annie and Bye Bye Birdie. First mounted in 1960, Bye Bye Birdie shamelessly coopts the story of Elvis Presley being drafted into the Army and giving a ceremonial “last kiss” as a publicity stunt before he shipped off. It is also incredible. And it’s a longer story than you think.

The Original Broadway Cast was headed by Dick Van Dyke and Chita Rivera as Albert Peterson and his long-suffering love, Rose Alvarez. They lucked into managing the biggest rockstar of his time, Conrad Birdie (which was devised as a play on Conway Twitty after Elvis’s people nixed anything related to the Presley name). They dream up the above kiss, pick a random name from Birdie’s vast fan club and offer to air the smooch on The Ed Sullivan Show. The show has a few storylines including Albert and Rose breaking free of his infantilizing mother and the music business for the quiet life of an English teacher and housewife, the chosen teen’s “steady” fighting for her attention against Conrad, and the girl’s family dealing with teenagers and rockstars while dreaming of being on Ed Sullivan. So, thematically, it’s a play about youth and age. Albert’s mother treats him like a child. The lucky teen girl spends all her energy on being “a woman” while falling into schoolgirl hysterics around Birdie. Her parents try to reconcile “kids today” with their childhoods and mores. Birdie, older than he is advertised to be, is caught between his screaming teenage fans and his desire to live his own young adult life. (Insanely catchy show tunes abound.)

The show won a bevy of Tonys, including Best Musical and Best Lead Actor in a Musical (Van Dyke), and by 1963 it was a feature film. Rule number one about Bye Bye Birdie is that we don’t talk about the movie. It changed the entire plot and cut half the songs, somehow becoming about a scientific potion that could make a turtle move as fast as a car. (Yep.) But it was a huge hit and launched Ann-Margret into stardom (and, eventually, two Oscar noms). The only important thing to say about this travesty of a film is that the title song was actually written for the movie and then became a vital part of the stage show.

By 1980, it was still reigning as the top amateur musical, gracing many high school stages. And what does a capitalist do in such a situation? Demand a sequel! That’s right: Bring Back Birdie ran in 1981 for 4 performances. Rivera returned to play Rose, and Donald O’Connor (Singin’ in the Rain) took Albert. I have the original soundtracks of both shows, and I can confirm that—even just by hearing her songs and not seeing what must have been her amazing dancing—1981 Chita Rivera blew 1960 Chita Rivera out of the water! Her performance was so strong that she earned a Tony nomination despite the show running less than a week. (Donald O’Connor, on the other hand, had lost his substantial magic by the eighties.)

Now, Bring Back Birdie is universally known as “the worst musical by names that you know.” It continues to be savaged in the Broadway press. HOWEVER, after reading the plot synopsis and repeatedly listening to the soundtrack, I can tell you that that reputation is completely undeserved. The songs are great, and the same themes are explored in a world decades from Elvis. In fact, the sequel is (in my opinion) cleverly linked to the original. Most songs from the 1960 show have spiritual siblings in the 1981 musical.

For your enlightenment—and in hopes that the world gives Bring Back Birdie a second chance—let me show you the connections.

“An English Teacher” is reborn as “Twenty Happy Years”

“The Telephone Hour” is parodied in “Movin’ Out”

“One Boy” becomes “Half of a Couple”, complete with back-up singers

“Honestly Sincere” is playfully mentioned in “You Can Never Go Back”

“Hymn for a Sunday Afternoon” is echoed by “There’s a Brand New Beat in Heaven”

“Spanish Rose” meet “Well, I’m Not”

“The Shriner Ballet” and “A Man Worth Fighting For” both show Rosie dancing out her frustration after being betrayed by Albert

“Kids” is flipped to become “When Will Grown-Ups Grow Up?”

The songs don’t sound the same, mind you. But they are in discussion both lyrically and stylistically. Bye Bye Birdie is largely pastiche. Bring Back Birdie takes the same approach to musical genres that didn’t exist in 1960, and it is still a multi-tiered story about age and youth. In other words, it’s a perfect sequel. It keeps everything the same while changing it all. I suspect that the very idea of “a Birdie sequel” is what led to the decades of abuse. Please, world, go back and give it another look/listen!

Finally, the Birdie Saga comes to a very happy ending in 1995, with the TV movie version, starring Jason Alexander and Vanessa Williams. Strouse once again wrote some new songs, all great, and some existing lyrics were reworked for the better. The play is faithfully presented, and the cast is ideal. I cannot count the number of times I have watched the 1995 movie version of Bye Bye Birdie! Finally, the show reaches its perfect form and gets a good film version at the same time. Is it cheesy? Duh, that’s Bye Bye Birdie. Is Chynna Phillips way too old to play a teenager? Yes. But otherwise, this movie is perfection!

And, so, after 35 years, Bye Bye Birdie was truly born. Now, when do I get a film of Bring Back Birdie?